The best revenge is premature balding
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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