I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
