id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize