my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
