OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have demons in me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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