There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
