don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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