Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
