Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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