I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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