I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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