note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize