yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That accounts for only three of the penises
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
