Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
