I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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