3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
