In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
