The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
