dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
