WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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