I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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