Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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