she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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