Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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