how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
