I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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