I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
