Please, let me fuck your mom
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
