WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
