tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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