i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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