Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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