You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
