You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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