there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
