Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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