so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
