Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
