My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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