You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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