Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
