girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
