Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
