I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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