I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
