life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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