Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
