i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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