I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
