i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
