the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
