I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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