look no pants
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
