Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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