i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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