Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
