Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
