too bad you live with your parents still
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
