i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
