apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
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I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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