You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
