Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
