Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
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My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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