he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
