1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
