he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your cock deserves a montage
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
