Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
we're so committed to being not committed
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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