You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
