We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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