Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We need to rekindle our bromance
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
