Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
