he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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