I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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