just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
